Sexy Girl Friday (the 13th)

Let’s interrupt your Friday the 13th Film Fest to pay tribute to some sexy ladies of the night. Oh? You have time for that? Good. Because what’s the only thing that ups a night of Scary Movie Watching? A night of Scary Movie Featuring Sexy Bad Girls Watching.

Let’s get started.


ImageSalma Hayek in From Dusk Till Dawn

Salma beats Britney to the punch with this titillating boa tease, before joining the throng of Titty Twister vamps in a blood-sucking rave. I dare you to show me anything hotter than a Latina tequila luge cum fang-toothed prostitute. Of course, Tom Savini had me at silent cock-gun salute.


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Jess Weixler in Teeth

I’ve always been a sucker for good girls turned bad. Jess knocks it out of the park here as an avid abstinence counselor turned maneater. Literally. Her vagina eats penises. You haven’t seen this yet? Go get it immediately, and then throw out a fist bump for all the ladies out there who’ve ever been wronged by a dude.


ImageAnna Paquin inTrick ‘R Treat

This horror anthology is pretty badass in general, but the lycan scene involving Miss Anna Paquin is legendary. Anna turns Red Riding Hood on its head and takes down the wolf to a song that, after watching this scene, I promptly added to my sexy playlist: Sweet Dreams by Marilyn Mason. Halloween, new orleans, troupe of sexy werewolf vixens? Honestly, you can’t go wrong.


ImageKatharine Isabelle inGinger Snaps

Keeping on werewolf trend, I must bring up this gem that comes out of Canada– a fact that surprised me for no particular reason at all, only that I didn’t really think of Canada as a producer of cool things and/or sexy women. Shame on me, because this bitch is awesome.

Katharine is that kind of goth/grungy/Idon’tgiveashitwhatyouthink high school girl you pretend to hate but kind of have a crush on. And that’s before she gets bitten by the neighborhood wolf and sprouts a tail nub.

She’s awesome, the movie’s awesome. Canada’s awesome.


Carrie-PJ-Soles-Nancy-AllenP.J. Soles and Nancy Allen in Carrie

These were the worst kind of mean girls, but you can’t deny their sex appeal. Gum chewing, hot-pants wearing, pure demons hellbent on sticking it to the shy telekinetic late-bloomer. Bitches you love to hate. And would like to see naked. (For a peek at P.J. Soles’ boobs, check out the original Halloween. Classic.)


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Am I crazy, or is Margaret White pretty hot, also? No? Whatever, I’d do her.


ImageLaura Harris in The Faculty

Blonde, podunk innocent descends on midwestern high school and snags the affection of the Jordan Catalano of the late 90s–Josh Hartnett. Drug dealing and new species-discovering ensue, resulting in cross-faction romances and high body-snatch counts. Laura stole my heart in the locker room scene, as a stunning–and nude–Queen body snatcher. Snatch away, lovely lady.


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 Megan Fox in Jennifer’s Body

No one, not anyone alive, wouldn’t trade places with Amanda Seyfried.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Happy Friday the 13th, horror hounds.

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